Contact Us
As a licensed therapist and mom of 4, I can tell you that emotional regulation is hard! It is even harder when the stress and emotions are high, adrenaline is pumping, and the game is on the line. You care. But, we still have to play under control, with composure.
As athletes, we train our bodies tirelessly. We run the drills, study the systems, and push through practices to sharpen our physical skills. But competition isn’t just physical — it’s mental and emotional.
We’ve all experienced that moment where emotions take over. The missed shot, the costly turnover, the unexpected injury, or even the night before the biggest game of your life. Your heart races, your mind won’t stop spinning, and suddenly you feel trapped in the weight of your own thoughts.
Breathwork and quick resets can help in the moment, but what about when emotions feel too big to manage? That’s where emotional regulation steps in. These four steps give you tools to handle strong emotions so they don’t handle you.
The goal isn’t to erase feelings — nerves, excitement, and even frustration all have value. Instead, it’s about adjusting the intensity and shortening the duration of overwhelming emotions so you can regain focus, composure, and control.
Step 1: Name It to Tame It
The concept:
When you put words to your emotions, you create space between you and the feeling. Naming it doesn’t make it disappear, but it helps you manage it instead of being consumed by it.
Examples:
- Instead of “I’m anxious”, try: “I’m experiencing anxiety right now.”
- Instead of “I’m angry”, try: “I’m feeling anger after that turnover.”
Sports scenario:
A hockey player comes back to the bench after missing a wide-open net. The first instinct is self-criticism: “I’m terrible, I blew it.” Instead, he pauses and reframes: “I’m feeling frustration. I really wanted that one.” That simple label helps separate the mistake from his identity. He’s no longer a bad player, he’s simply feeling frustration — a temporary state he can move through.
Where in my body am I feeling this right now?
I love to connect the brain, and the body, but asking Where do I feel this in my body right now? That helps bring the experience to the present moment, as well as integrate the mind/body connection to bring the brain and more rationale thinking back online! For example, maybe I am gritting my teeth and I take a deep breath and exhale the extra stress and tension in my jaw.
Feeling Wheel Resource:
As a therapist, I also love using this resource of the Feeling Wheel to put language to what my client (or myself, my kids, or my athletes are) is feeling! Print it out, keep a picture on your phone, and name it to tame it.
Step 2: Get Curious, Not Critical
The concept:
Athletes often judge themselves harshly for having emotions, but feelings aren’t weaknesses– they are signals. By approaching emotions with curiosity, you can ask why they’re there and discover what they’re trying to tell you.
Examples:
- Anxiety before a big game? It’s your body saying: “This matters. Be ready.” p.s. you rarely get anxiety about something you do not care about! It means you care!
- Frustration after a mistake? It’s showing you care about competing at your best.
- Imposter syndrome? It means you are brave, showing up, and trying something new.
Sports scenario:
A sprinter feels her stomach twist before the start gun. Instead of thinking, “Why can’t I calm down? Something’s wrong with me,” she asks, “Why am I nervous? Can I even do this? What if I don’t perform well?”
The answer: “Because I’ve trained hard, I want to succeed, and this is important.” Suddenly, nerves shift from being a problem to being proof of her passion.
Step 3: Rewind and Fast-Forward
The concept:
Emotions often feel overwhelming in the present, but perspective changes everything. By mentally “time traveling,” you remind yourself that feelings are temporary and survivable. I also often call this the helicopter view; 30,000 foot view above to gain perspective on the situation and context.
Examples:
- Rewind: “I’ve been nervous before a big game, and I found a way through it.”
- Fast-Forward: “Tomorrow, I’ll see this as one game among many. Win or lose, I’ll keep growing.”
Sports scenario:
A soccer player battling an injury worries she’ll never return to form.
She rewinds: “I’ve overcome injuries before and came back stronger.”
Then she fast-forwards: “A year from now, I’ll be proud of how hard I worked to recover.”
By zooming out, she shifts from fear to determination.
Step 4: Pressure Thoughts to Power Thoughts
The concept:
High-pressure moments spark inner dialogue — sometimes helpful, often harmful. Left unchecked, those pressure thoughts (negative self-talk) (“Don’t mess up”) tighten muscles, increase anxiety, and sabotage performance. Reframing them into power thoughts (positive self-talk) gives you energy and confidence.
Examples:
- “Don’t miss” → “Focus on the open lane.”
- “I can’t let my team down” → “I can compete hard and give my best.”
- “I don’t belong here” → “I’ve earned this moment, and I’m ready.”
Sports scenario:
A basketball player steps to the free-throw line in the final seconds.
Pressure thoughts whisper: “If I miss, we lose.”
She catches it and reframes it to a power thought: “I’ve shot thousands of free throws. Trust my routine.”
Her body relaxes, her mind resets, and she takes the shot with confidence.
Putting It All Together
Imagine this: A hockey player takes a bad penalty late in the third period of a tie game. The coach and teammates are disappointed, and his frustration spikes.
- Name It to Tame It: “I’m feeling frustrated and anxious right now.”
- Get Curious, Not Critical: “Why? Because I care about my team and want to help us win.”
- Rewind and Fast-Forward: “I’ve made mistakes before and bounced back. By tomorrow, I’ll see this as one small part of my season.”
- Pressure Thoughts to Power Thoughts: Instead of “I let everyone down,” he reframes: “I can reset, play smart, and finish strong.”
By walking through the steps, he doesn’t deny his emotions — he reshapes them. He steps back onto the ice composed, confident, and ready to contribute.
Quick Recap
- Name It to Tame It – Label the emotion to reduce its power, where in my body am I feeling it?
- Get Curious, Not Critical – See emotions as signals, what are they telling me? What needs to change?
- Rewind and Fast-Forward – Use perspective to remind yourself emotions are temporary. This too shall pass! Use the helicopter view!
- Pressure Thoughts to Power Thoughts – Reframe self-talk to fuel for performance.
Final Thought
Emotions are part of being human — and part of being an athlete. The question isn’t whether you’ll feel them, but what you’ll do when they show up. These four steps give you a blueprint for turning overwhelming emotions into manageable, even motivating, experiences.
When you learn to regulate emotions instead of being ruled by them, you gain what every athlete craves: the ability to compete with confidence, composure, and control.
Hi, this is a comment.
To get started with moderating, editing, and deleting comments, please visit the Comments screen in the dashboard.
Commenter avatars come from Gravatar.